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I posted earlier about the dangers of sending our husbands on the rooftop and the wilderness by being bossy, contentious and angry as Scripture so eloquently pointed out.  And while it may seem that I am making excuses for men to leave their wives I am not. I am only pointing out the real life issues that men deal with and hoping to encourage us as women to maybe embrace the fact that we can cause them to want to leave. No woman should want her marriage to end, or for her husband to leave her due to temptation and I don’t believe there are any who actually look forward to that happening either.  But in all our brutal honesty, if we step back and snatch the band aids off we should be able to soul search and honestly say that there are times, even when undeserving that women can cause a man to want to be elsewhere. The cause and  effect happens in the mind and  the moment he starts hating to come home, or finding reasons to leave is the moment Satan will tempt him the hardest.  The moment our men start shutting down on us mentally, the moment we replace being their cheerleader with being the sports critic then we open the door  and literally drive them out into the wilderness to escape us or worse to another woman.

 The fact that scripture says that a man would rather dwell in the wilderness, than with an angry woman really shakes me. I don’t know how many of you have been out in the wilderness but as a reformed wild girl I can tell you it’s not a pretty sight.  Good married Christian men are like trophies to a certain demographic of women. Not because they wake up wanting to break up a happy home, but because they WANT your home.  What you take for granted they will take  AS-IS.   I know some of these women, and sadly when roaming out in sin, I was one of those women. Not to make excuses but the few married men that I met I did not know up front. After I found about the wife and kids they still wanted to keep a friendship and most of them did not want sex but rather a lended ear and a stroked ego. 

I am abundantly blessed that I have a good husband, he is a good catch, and quite easy on the eyes. If you ask me, I will tell you he’s quite sexy but he’s mine and I can say that! (he he he) He also works part-time at a hospital where he works the overnight shift. I am aware that the times between 2am-6am are the hardest to stay awake, the patients are asleep, and the halls are quiet. It is so easy for certain conversations to take place at the nurses station. It’s easy  for  that “what would you do” advice to be solicited and given.   It’s all too easy and comfortable for seemingly innocent friendships to be established. While I am not jealous or insecure about his work environment and I don’t worry about him leaving me,   I don’t want my husband to look forward to going to work because it provides an outlet to get away from his overwhelming / overwhelmed wife, but I am not so dumb as to think I can’t make it easy for him to want to do so either.

When I was unsaved, single,  and miserable, I envied those ungrateful women who sent their men away from home unhappy. I actually felt sorry for the man who had no self-esteem left that he would take the bait from pretty young things that wanted to show him how the grass and appreciation could be on the other side. One of the best pieces of marital advice I ever received was from my mother. She told me NEVER send my husband away from home unhappy, unsatisfied, or hungry.   I  often joke with the ladies at my husband’s job that he is not allowed to eat another woman’s cooking but inside I am not laughing because I have seen women find out what a man’s favorite meals are and purposely cook them because they know and can sense that his wife complains about having to cook for him, or she didn’t have time to make his favorite cake anymore because she is too overwhelmed at home.  I would hear women go on and on about how clean their home was only because they heard a married man talk about how he hated coming home and seeing a dirty house.  He said it to them in general conversation because when he mentions it to his wife, she took it as nagging and gave him the silent treatment, withheld sex and affection so that he would think twice about coming home and questioning her cleaning skills.

 I worked in a factory before and I would see women in hard hats, hair nets and layers upon layers of clothing and other equipment look like they could still walk the runway simply to catch they eye of a married man who glanced one too many times.  He didn’t mean to, but the stench of “I wish my wife would fix herself up” filled the room and these women could pick it up like a cheetah searching for sick and weary antelope. Poor guy, if he were to mention to his wife that he would like to see her look a certain way, then he has to hear that ” he doesn’t love her for her”, and “she is not the same woman he married, and he has to appreciate who she is today”, he walks away into the wilderness frustrated and weak because his needs are not getting met. I would see these same women praise men and stroke his ego so much that he had a spring in his step different from the shuffle of being embarrassed by his wife for not picking up the socks, or not cleaning up good enough, or not helping with the babies.  While you crack jokes and embarrass him, she says things to make him block out your repetitive whining. She has his attention, you on the other hand sound like the teacher from Charlie Brown ” Whah, Whah, Whah, Whah Whah”  .

 I am not saying that we have to be June Cleavers, with heels and pearls cooking pot roast and apple pie every day. We don’t have to be call girls in the bedroom either. But we do have to listen to our husbands and give him an outlet to speak without being bossy, contentious, brawling, foolish, brawling, and angry. As I said in my earlier post, we hold the key to their hearts, they are ours and we know them better than anyone. We hold the power to send him to the rooftop and the wilderness, or we hold the power to make him think of us in Song of Solomon terms.   The choice is ours. We can be a proverb  an ode to virtue, or  a song.  I hope you try with me to be the latter two. Also, before I close I want to note that it is important to have those crucial and honest conversations with your husband about if he is feeling like going on the roof or in the wilderness.  They need to be able to have that honest feedback and know that you actually care  what they are battling even if you don’t understand of feel it’s rightfully justified. They need to know that you can push your pride aside, take them by the hand, kneel with them and pray that the God that joined you together can bless His union. It may hurt, but I would rather have the honest truth than a brutal lie. The key is to remember that his heart is what he trusts you with, so keep it safe.   Be blessed and stay encouraged!

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I don’t mean this series of posts to be a bash on women, one because I don’t bash on myself, and two because bashing women is so un-lady like and doesn’t make God to happy at all. I really wrote this series out of my private journal and about my own private journey and reflection on issues that I am plagued with. 

We women are bossy by nature; it is a skill that I believe can manifest itself as early as infancy.  As our children especially our daughters are able to form communication skills they can be bossy even in their cries and wailing! My Graci is two now, and she is a mother hen in the making. When she was able to babble, she babbled in this fussing language with this very intense facial expression down to the crease in the brow that I sometimes see in my mirror. When little sister came along, it intensified. When big sisters are being admonished, I can hardly get the words out without laughing at my little pall parrot who out talks me while mimicking me in the background.  At the daycare she keeps everyone on the straight and narrow, she is the class tattle tale, the one who will point her finger and babble the class rules, in the way that she has heard the class rules given over and over again. Sadly,I know exactly where she gets it from, and as much as it hurts, this apple tree has four little apples who just fell straight from the branch to the ground next to the root. I often say to Mark that I feel sorry for her future husband, and in my saying those very words I started feeling sorry for mine.

We do have a right to be bossy sometimes. It comes with motherhood, and managing our homes, BUT it really doesn’t apply to managing our husbands. OUCH! Honestly, we shouldn’t even be managing them. DOUBLE OUCH!  I often joke with people that I hate going on family vacations because I can’t enjoy them for all the duties of managing the vacation.  I normally plan the vacation, the itinerary, the budget, the packing and all that comes along with it.  When we are going on vacation, I am the one packing everything in the bag, keeping up with everyone’s stuff, making sure everyone gets fed, keeping a stern eagle eye out for my wanderer awayers, and just plain old managing the fun. I am the front line manager and if you have ever been in management professionally, the front line manager is usually the fall guy and the point man.  When I am in manager mode, I tend to forget that Mark is CEO of Thomas and Company. I tend not to stay in my place, and as most managers do when things go wrong   I get mad at upper management.

The difference for me is that I can tell upper management what I really think. I don’t have to fill out a comment card, or wait for an employee appreciation survey because I can’t get fired! Or can I?   I am not supposed to, because my job is life long, it is till I die but I can get fired before I die even if it’s not rightfully so. In other words, I can make my husband leave me and choose another manager.  Just because it’s not right for him to leave me for being bossy doesn’t mean it can’t happen; and it doesn’t mean I can be bossy, brawling, contentious, and so repetitive that I sound like continual drops of rain because its wrong for him to leave me.TRIPLE OUCH!!

I know there are some who feel my thinking is a bit extreme and off the map, but King Solomon in all his God-given wisdom says things a lot less tactful than I do and has left eight, count them, eight whole scriptures to back me up. Is it wrong for a man to leave his wife for something as simple as being bossy, argumentative, nagging, and mean? YES it most certainly is. But even the bible lends a sympathetic ear to such men who live with such women. It’s so important that two of the scriptures are basically the same and three are only verses and a couple chapters apart.

  1.  Proverbs 9:13
    A foolish woman is clamorous: she is simple, and knoweth nothing
  2. Proverbs 11:22
    As a jewel of gold in a swine’s snout, so is a fair woman which is without discretion.
  3. Proverbs 12:4
    A virtuous woman is a crown to her husband: but she that maketh ashamed is as rottenness in his bones.
  4. Proverbs 14:1
    Every wise woman buildeth her house: but the foolish plucketh it down with her hands.
  5. Proverbs 21:9
    It is better to dwell in a corner of the housetop, than with a brawling woman in a wide house.
  6. Proverbs 21:19
    It is better to dwell in the wilderness, than with a contentious and an angry woman.
  7. Proverbs 25:24
    It is better to dwell in the corner of the housetop, than with a brawling woman and in a wide house.
  8. Proverbs 27:15
    A continual dropping in a very rainy day and a contentious woman are alike.

I mean really,  for the Almighty to give Solomon the wisdom to write the proverbs that it is better for a man to live on the roof of a house, or in the wilderness than with a angry, bossy, argumentative woman says something.  How bad can she be for him to rather live in the stinking wilderness with wild untamed things?  To think that a wife’s behavior could be so annoying that her husband would be better off with wild animals in the wilderness, or on the top of his house than inside the house with her speaks volumes to me and shakes me to my very core. And, it still holds true to this day and age.  Men may not be on the virtual roof top, but they scurry off to their game rooms, or the garage, or “man caves” to escape their wives. Instead of going off to the wilderness, they go out into the world which in my eyes is worse.  They have bars, clubs, societies,  boys nights and even WORK that they escape to and the inhabitants of such places can be worse than wild animals. As a matter of fact, there are even some wild animals that have more loyalty and discretion than some temptations that are out there lurking to lure our husbands. I will cut off here and create a Part II post for brevity’s sake.  Stay Blessed and encouraged!

Well for one because God said so   (OT) and two because God said so (NT).

I have been spending a lot of time reading books and blogs about marriage and brushing up on what I already knew and believed about mine and my husband’s role in our marriage. I know and whole heartedly believe that Mark is my head, he is in charge and I am his assistant. I am somewhat of a servant to him… I know many that cringe at that word but I embrace it.  I embrace it because I don’t take it in the context of how modern-day feminist see it, but I embrace it in the biblical context of how God wants us to be servants and to have a servant’s heart.  As a Christian how can I go out into this world and be a servant to those God calls me to serve and magically grow a servant’s heart if I can’t first serve my husband at home?

Being a servant to my husband doesn’t mean that I am walking behind him head bowed,  10 paces following. It means that I cater to his every whim, I take care of him in ways that only I know how, I treat him ways that keeps his heart and mind on me and me only.  I am blessed however,  that I am married to a very independent man who really waits on me more than I do on him.  But even though he doesn’t ask much, my heart is open to do any and every thing for him  when  he needs me to even if and when he does not ask.  The more I study and pray about how to be a wife to the man God created for me, the more I am learning that the best way I can serve him is by letting him lead as God directs him. Letting him be the man, allowing him the ease of being in charge of me and our family. Allowing his leadership to flow seamlessly and effortlessly.  It doesn’t mean that I am a passive, mousey wife either; actually I am quite the opposite.  I can be loud, bossy, sometimes contentious, Type A, high-strung, whiney, argumentative, spoiled, defensive and very take charge; and I have to ask God every day to give me power over those awful character traits and to make me a more quiet, humble and meeker wife, mother and woman.

 I remember reading the story of the  birth of Jesus, starting with the Angel visiting Mary and ending with the Angel visiting Joseph in a dream.  Joseph was not there in the beginning. He did not know first hand the things expected of and accepted by Mary. That was her experience. However, Joseph was placed in Mary’s life at the time God wanted him there, and he was there to help  raise Jesus.  Once the Angel told him to marry her and to be an earthly father to our Savior, he was in charge of them.  It was Joseph that the angel came to in a dream. It was Joseph who was told to arise and wake his family and move them out of danger. Not Mary the mother, the woman who bore Jesus, and nursed him and worried over him.  God came to Joseph and Joseph alone.  Imagine how it would have turned out if Mary wasted valuable time by arguing with Joseph on waking the baby, and” why can’t we leave in the morning, and it’s late, I just fed him  and put him to sleep” and all the other  blah, blah, blah’s we wives come up with.  It was through her obedience and servants heart that allowed her husband to successfully carry out the mission of keeping them safe.   Once God spoke to me through this scripture I realized that it is important for me to make those conscious efforts to allow my husband to be in charge and to trust him  his walk with God and follow, I mean  really follow him as God leads him.

 I am not saying at all that God can’t use a woman to warn or inform her husband but does the servant order the King around? No they do not! We have to have that servant’s heart to know how to use Godly wisdom on getting important messages through to our husbands. If we did not need to be that way;  then Scripture would not tell us that a man would rather live in the wilderness than with a bossy and contentious woman.  Oh we may not snip at their heels nagging at him outwardly but doubting (even silently)  his decision-making is just as bad.  We cripple his confidence in our respect and support for him and if we are not careful we can create a tension that leads to him removing us as his confidante.

Also, God does not have to go through us to give our husbands instruction to lead the family in the way he has called. Sometimes his conversations with the Lord is just none of our immediate business. Sometimes, God just wants us to be obedient and rely on funneled information.  If you have a husband who doesn’t have a relationship with God, who may be an unbeliever I still encourage you as a believer to follow your husbands lead if it is not causing you and your children due harm or danger or causing you to sin against the word of God. Let him take the lead in this dance called marriage. It is his job to take the lead. 

Men need to be allowed to be leaders. It’s inherent and in their DNA. I know that there are many men who abuse their position of leadership but if you have one who does not,  allow him to flourish in his God given role.  Do not make him pay for the sins of other men who may or may not abuse their authority. I know so many single women who want to be married but go in with the mindset that they can and will never allow a man to have authority over them.  But it is this way of thinking that nullifies the vows he says before God. What God requires from each husband is different and varies, and we cannot compare marriages or husbands or the duties they carry out within their marriage.    

 We look at men as fixers of things, problem solvers and deal closers and they should be. Ask any single dating woman what’s a big turn off and one of the first things she will say is a weak, spineless man. Building up his trust in your support of him and his confidence lies in your hands.  His heart, mind, body and ego are yours and  you have the power to touch him in ways no other woman or person can.  Each circumstance is different and each marriage and man is different but for the most part most men pretty much have the same wiring, they want to be respected, supported and loved unconditionally. The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need of spoil Proverbs 31: 11 .

 I have been reading a wonderful book by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs titled Love & Respect ( The Love She Most Desires and The Respect He Desperately Needs)  I hope to be able to do a book review.  I have so much I really want to say on this topic and maybe I will have the opportunity to create a Part II. Until then I must go. I hope I have left something on your heart in regards to this topic that is so near and dear to God’s heart.    Until next time, stay blessed and encouraged.

 

Snark:  Abusive and sarcastic speech or writing–a form of invective.

I have often been told that one learns something new every day  and I just figured out that I have been living under a rock somewhere here in the blogosphere. Apparently there is a community in blogland that are full of people called “snarkers”  and there is such a place where one can go to “snark”  to their heart’s  ( or quiver’s) delight!

I stumbled upon this community uninvited  ( isn’t how that always happens) last week after hearing that one of my good friends was the topic of snark that day and let me tell you I am still trying to pick my mouth up off the floor.  Now don’t get me wrong. I am all for free speech, the gathering of opinions, and the right to say whatever you want so this is not a bash on folk who want to get together and discuss how much disdain they have in a given day. If it floats your boat then float on….

I will admit, for a couple of days I have been trolling through ( that makes me a troll)  just reading the topics about people(snarkees) blessed enough to be on the agenda of snark that day and learned that those of us who befriend, agree with, or embrace snarkee’s are fundies but I am quite sure you guys already know this. 

I honestly have no qualms with the fact that they talk about us or those we consider friends. I have no issues that they attack what we uphold as values but what I do have issue with is the manner in which they do so. You see,  I am from the school of say what you mean and mean what you say and say it to a person’s face. If you wanna call a spade a spade, call it while we are at the table when all cards can be laid down and seen.  I really don’t have respect or think highly of people who “snark” under a cloak of anonymity. I guess I could understand if one were speaking out against true fundamentalism after escaping  it and wanting to do so under the protection of anonymity but such is not the case. 

They are willing and able to assmble  in masse to scout out blog land and rip apart certian people but they do so as if they are members of the Gestapo. If your blog is public then you are open game but they attack in secret. I am acutally laughing as I type this because the concept is utterly ridiculous.

My issues are not even spiritual ones, but basic rules of the playground.  If you don’t like what someone says in the classroom you get them on the playground and tell them about it.  I personally think its cowardly to talk about a person but with a “user name” .  I signed onto the site and I used my real name.  Later I thought to change it because of my husband but then I thought, I’d sooner just walk away than to hide behind a fake name. 

I think the thing that disgusted me most was there was a discussion (s) about an online blogger that we all know as MoneySavingMom or Crystal Paine .  The sickening thing was that someone sent  pre and wedding pictures  of her and her husband and one of these pictures included a group of women surrounding Crystal. For whatever reason one of the women who was in the picture sent them in for others to basically rip apart. To me that wasn’t the bad part. The bad part was that this person had the audacity to state that she was in the pic but wanted to remain anonymous!  What a coward!  To me that’s like lowest of the lows and just downright in violation of any code even the code of honor amongst thieves!

How do you in good faith, know a person, spend face time with them and their family and then pull and “et tu Brute” on them???  I guess I just come from a different breed. Maybe spending time in sin taught me about street code in where you say what you mean and mean what you say and stand on it.  I can respect that.  I respect the big dogs that run up to the fence and bark but its the little yappers that bark from behind the owner’s ankles that are annoying.

I remember when making a comment on that site about a certain blogger who stirs up most of the dust (and who’s favorite pastime is accusing any and every one of being a hypocrite, )well  I used her real name and within seconds I got an email from the moderator stating I could not use her real name without her expressed consent as she complained and asked that I not do that.  Fair enough and I get that, but then she turned right around and blasted another blogger’s name and the name of her husband after this person asked that her name not be used. Is anyone else choking on the reeking stench of hypocrisy here?

I mean its all just ludicrous!   Who in their right mind spends all day ripping people to shreds day after day thread after thread, topic after topic. It can’t be healthy and after a couple of days I could feel myself drenched in the toxic sludge of hatred, bullying, and back biting.  I couldn’t imagine what type of person could condition themselves to that type of environment all day and then still have anything positive left to give a family, or friends.

I  just believe that if you are going to be a bully, be a real bully.  Don’t be a fake bully. Don’t hide behind a keyboard somewhere and talk trash about a person. Take it to them face to face.  If I read something on a blog I don’t like, I have a choice. I can email the author and express my issues or I can with a few lovely strokes of my keyboard change the page to something I like. That simple.  It just seems like a huge waste of time to congregate together and rip apart someone I know or don’t know because they think, see, understand and live differently than I. But I guarantee you if I were to do something like that, I would pull my big girl drawers up and say what I have to say, unplugged, unscripted, uncloaked!

So in a nutshell I guess I am saying if you are going talk about something, be a real man or woman and just say it. Stop hiding, stop playing both sides, stop talking trash online that you couldn’t and won’t say face to face… Wear your snark proud. Be the person you really want to be but just stop being a coward.

photo taken from:ruinsofmorning.net

 The man in this picture as is stands is temporarily the most hated man in America right now. He will be the topic of conversation until the next most hated person in America bumps him out of his reign.  This man killed an innocent 9 year old girl. He shot 20 people and a beloved elected official is now fighting for her life and still has a long road ahead. The man in this picture has been a thorn in the side of Sarah Palin, Glen Beck, and President Obama as they are the ones being blamed for this man even having a mug shot in the first place. His picture is eerie. He is smiling, laughing at the world, happy to solidify his place in American history and lapping up his 20 minutes of fame.  He committed a horrible act. He is a depraved and heartless individual by definition and standards. Sure he may have some mental illness but still he is a monster at best and a sociopath at worse.  Still if we are Christian, we should love him. My friend Terry touched on this with this post and it got me to thinking.

The reason for this post started because I posted on my FB page that my heart went out to his family. Actually these were my exact words:

My heart goes out to the family and the parents of the Arizona gunman…. It is so easy for us to paint him as a monster but that monster is someone’s baby and no mother on earth ever imagines giving birth to a child who turns out to be a monster. So before you judge think about your child/ren you never know how they may turn out!

My heart went out for his mother. No mother wants to raise a child who grows up to be seen as a monster. That man we call a monster still has a mother, he is still someone’s baby. His mom still loves him no matter what and she should not be ostracized. I will forever believe that.

I had 32 comments in response to that post.  All but one person agreed with me.  Those that agreed were women, and mothers themselves. The one that disagreed was a male relative who is a pastor and he vehemently disagreed with me and called me all but crazy… (well he did call me crazy but I love him still)  He contended that ” I could not be serious for posting this”  ” This monster killed a 9 year old girl and shot 20 people in cold blood”

My response was basically in a nutshell this: He is a lost soul, but a soul nonetheless. God said “All souls are mine” and if we believe that then we are to love and forgive him and pray that God has mercy on his soul and that he comes to repentance.

The conversation then went to his smile on his mug shot and that God only forgives if we ask. My question in return was “Do we only forgive those who have asked for Godly forgiveness”

This really got me to thinking because the more I typed the more I defended why Christians should be able to love this man. I, Of course would never say we should support his actions but the bible commands that we love unconditionally period.

God left on record many examples of love and forgiveness. Stephen is one that quickly comes to mind.  What kind of mindset do you think people have to be in to “run upon you and gnash you with their teeth” I mean think about it. What normal person would get so angry that they would try to run upon a person and bite them to death???  Clearly Stephen had to see they were out of their right minds and he ended his life saying “Father lay not this sin to their charge”  His love for those people was so astonishing that Jesus stood up at the right hand of God to see it! I have goose bumps just thinking about it.

The Amish community that suffered the loss of 5 innocent girls at the hands of a cold blooded murder donated half of the millions of dollars donated to them to the widow of the killer. They  even showed compassion to the woman who loved the person that killed their innocent babies by attending her husband’s service and hugging her!  While I imagine that this took struggle and the grace of God for them; you have to have forgiveness and love to be at a place to have that mindset.

Joseph, even after being sold into slavery by his brothers, wrongfully accused of attempted rape, left to die in a dungeon, forgotten by the person who promised to remember him, but yet still when God restored him, he showed forgiveness and love to those who really caused all of his problems to begin with.

I have a 9year old daughter and I couldn’t even become close to fathoming what it would be like to lose her yet through all of this I firmly hold in my heart that if God were to take her from me through violent circumstance that I could still find it in my heart to forgive and have compassion for the person who did her harm.

I really outraged a few folk when I spoke of having compassion for this man.” Why should he get compassion? ”I was asked. “How can you forget he killed a little girl” My answer to that is that to be in your right mind is a blessing from God and those who aren’t are just obeying the master that has control over their mind. The only difference between that person and me is that God allowed me through his grace not to be under the control of the enemy.  To be clothed with the mind of God versus battling the demons of hell is not something to take for granted. We are all one sin away from being reprobates.  And if heaven rejoices if one soul is saved then we should weep when one is lost to darkness.

As a Christian my heart should be burdened and prayerful for a soul that is lost to the darkness. I should not live in a state of lacking compassion and empathy for them. Feeling that way doesn’t mean I disagree with a person who commits horrific crimes being held to the laws of the land; after all the law is for the lawless.  But when those who we label as monsters find God and come to repentance guess what? THEY ARE OUR BROTHERS AND SISTERS IN CHRIST!  Their sins join ours in being as far as the east is from the west.  If they die saints then we will share streets paved with gold with them. 

We should want any and every soul to come to Christ and if we don’t love people then how can we be concerned about their soul. How can we pray incessantly for those we don’t love? How can we pray for them if we have no compassion for the state of sin they are in. You can’t have compassion for the sin if you don’t have compassion for the person.  Really and truly in God’s eyes,  no sin is greater than another. His sin of murder is no greater than mine would be if I murdered someone with my tongue, or if I lied, or if I hated, or if I were unforgiving.  So really we must be careful with our judgment and pray for him.

My hopes for Jared Lee Laughner is that he be tried in a court of law justly, serve whatever sentence he is given, but I also desire for him to come to know the love of Jesus Christ, and to turn his heart to repentance and to live out his days as a saint of God so that in hell he won’t lift up his eyes.  In order for me to pray and feel this way for him, I simply have to love him as Christ loves us and loved us through our sins, so much that he gave his life for us when we did not deserve it.

I press toward the mark for the prize of the high calling of God in Christ Jesus. ~Philipians 3:14

I am not a goal setter…. There I said it. I have taken the first step and admitted my problem, and a problem it is.  That being said, I don’t mean I don’t have goals or things I work towards but I have never been one to put pen to paper and write out long or short term goals. Honestly, I never set them outwardly because I would never keep them or I wasn’t organized enough to track them or patient enough for long term goals. Once I failed at this I would beat myself up and feel like a total failure so I just gave up.

 I would start out with these extravagant and simple To Do Lists, and then fall back on my memory only to forget things and then promise to do better next time.  The older I get and the more I struggle with my roles as wife, mother, employee, daughter, sister, church member and ect… the more I see that my memory is unreliable.

Not having attainable goals was and is hindering   my daily life, and my spiritual life. I keep  telling myself “I have to count the costs, I have to be decent and orderly, I have to be organized because in my organized chaos I am sinking fast and the devil is laughing at me.”

Last year was a good year. God blessed us with a new baby, we both got new jobs, we have some breathing ,  sighing room financially,  but still on the inside I wasn’t happy. I still felt/feel as if my life were just going through motions, mundane and boring but it was far from such.

This is not the life, family or marriage that I wanted so I have vowed (not resolved)  to set goals and priorities.  First being learning who I am in God and renewing my relationship with him. Secondly renewing my relationship with my husband who I love so much and sometimes take for granted.  Thirdly, I have to restore the relationship with my daughters. I have had to ask God to show me how to teach rather than instruct because there is a difference. My oldest is 11 and time is going by so fast. In a few more years she will be leaving my home and I want her to have good memories and want to come back.

 Last year life was pulling us in two directions.  I became more increasingly frustrated with my children, more anxious, more impatient, and more of a miserable nag to be around.  My marriage is good but we were going through this fog and funk and we were not on the same wave length.  Our prayer life suffered, our fasting dwindled and we were living on the snooze button and quick prayers via cell phone on our routes to work.  We left the church we attended when we met, fell in love and we are no longer in communication with the pastor who married us.  We were finding ourselves becoming engulfed in the world of Unsaid Things and the more you stay in that world the more accustomed you become to  its practices of being passive aggressively silent.  This year I am setting a goal to work harder for my family and to love just as hard.

For the sake of brevity I will end now, I hope to expand more on how the experience of leaving our congregation has affected me and my family.  My desire to share with you is not to imply anything negatively about my old church but to shed light on some changes you may see in me as I try to get more intimate with God and his true plan for my salvation.

I wanted to take a moment and wish everyone reading a Happy and Blessed New Year. I am blessed to be able to bring the New Year celebrating my husband’s birthday as he is a New Year’s baby. The past year 2010 was a very busy and trying year that resulted in my taking a unplanned blogging hiatus. I thank God for all we went through and for him keeping us grounded because in the end we were blessed beyond measure and so unexpectedly.

We were blessed to spend the Christmas break with Mark’s family in Naples, FL and the past couple days I was blessed to meet and hang out with my favorite blogging buddy Terry and her family and it was a blast! I’m signing off now as we have a long trip home. Again,have a Happy and Blessed New Year!!!